We'll see if I actually pull any of this off

Thirteen things I am going to do this year, damn it.

1. Quit smoking. For reals. I will cheat for a long, long time. I like smoking. But seriously, I use really good, expensive shampoo that smells like heaven on chocolate cake, and I'd like to reap the benefits of that.
2. Buy something on credit. Anything. Really expensive shampoo, it doesn't matter what. Josh and I are restaurant people, which means that, though he has a lovely check that comes twice a month, we still have an influx of cash daily. The checks cover the bills and the cash covers the incidentals. And Josh has taken care of the finances for 10 years. Sounds great, doesn't it? It's NOT. Do you know what it feels like to have NO credit score, to not exist in the world of credit? It's almost harder than having bad credit. 15 year olds can get a cell phone; I cannot. I am going to find some way to begin to re-establish my currency in the real world, and I am going to start with a Target card or something.
3. Meet my niece. We have been waiting for 3 freaking years for someone to give my sisterish and brotherish a baby, and it is so close now we can taste it. She is not imaginary anymore; we know her name and her shoe size. Everything crossable is crossed in hopes of a March homecoming. For those of you curious, you can track her story right here.
4. Go on a real vacation. I am Captain Roadtrip. The emblem emblazoned on my cape would be a can of spray cheese and a box of saltines. I once drove from Denver to Phili and back for a cheesesteak. 2 years ago, we packed the kids in the car and drove for a week, and as lovely as that was, it wasn't the real family vacation, with the plane tickets and the hotel room and the portable crib. This year, Josh's sister and I are taking these people, perhaps against their will, and using the family timeshare that got dumped on us, and we are going to Mexico. Remote Mexico. Margaritas and seashells and questionable food Mexico. Cheap and beautiful Mexico. I cannot wait.
5. Lose the baby weight already. And by baby weight I mean the Tim Hortons weight. The cooking with butter weight. The 30 extra pounds I have sat on a whined about for 10 years weight. I honestly only need to lose 20, but I want to lose 30 and so I will. If you met me, you'd be all, "Pshaw, you don't have 30 pounds to spare", but see, I do. Before I had kids I worked 2 jobs, 6 days a week, spent every stinking lunch break at the gym, and I was freakishly smoking hot. And then I had 1of3 and gained one hundred and five goddamn pounds. It took a year to lose half of that weight, and the 2of3 came and brought me 80 more pounds to lose. I am not having one more kid and I have no reason at all to not lose this weight. I have nothing but time, and a fancy new pair of gym shoes, and I am going to burn this inner-tube off. Period. I am 32 years old and it is time to MILF it up.
6. Not starve myself in order to lose that weight. I am a non-practicing anorexic. If I just go 2 days without eating, I totally remember how to do it again and then, voila!, I am all skinny again. I am also sallow and groggy and spastic and my head hurts all the time. I am trying to make better choices in my life, and eating breakfast should be one of them.
7. Keep my house really clean for one whole week straight. That would involve me finding a really good happy place, because when momma's happy, so are the toilets. I have 51 weeks to screw this up, but with Jebus as my witness, we will have one solid week of squeak.
8. Go on two dates with my husband. We have our time, and things we like to do together, but getting my ass kicked at Wii and watching SuperNanny only go so far. We are going to get away from the short people twice this year and eat grownup food and drink coffee and watch a stupid movie or something. We used to go out once a month and every time it was the same drill; dinner at the same place, then the same Barnes and Noble, the same Starbucks, window shopping in the same shops in The Pavillions downtown, and home. It was boringly predictable, and we knew that, but we never did anything else because it was ours. I would like to have an ours here.
9. Sew something fabulous. I finally have a sewing machine. I have absolutely no clue how to use the thing, but I am smart and I am crafty and I can figure it out. I know what I want to make, so now I just have to get on it. I am great at measurements and straight lines and anything, really, that involves precision or detail work. Sewing may just be my new addiction.
10. Plant a garden. Not a flower garden; I already have that. I am going to plant a big ol' vegetable garden. I am going to teach my kids how sow seeds, how to cultivate them, how to harvest them. I am going to teach them how the moon cycles can help them dictate when things are ready to go. I am going to show them the difference between that candy bar and the tomato they worked on all summer, watering and fertilizing and tending. We are going to grow beans and strawberries and tomatoes and herbs. And then, when the time is right, we are going to have to best dinner ever.
11. Update our family photo albums. I haven't touched them since 2003. The digital camera is the single greatest invention in the history of mankind, but it's not doing my albums any favours. Looking at images on a screen is one thing; flipping through pages of pictures is another thing entirely. I am going to get all scrapbooky on their ass and I am going to love every minute of it. I am almost not totally ashamed to admit that I Heart Scrapbooking. I could blow a large chunk of our income at Archivers. I made some wedding invites for a friend a few years ago, and the two weeks I had to spend in that store were paradise. And besides, someday soon I am going to have to get a job and I want this done while I still have the time.
12. Go vegetarian. I love meat. I love meat more than I love Johny Depp. I am starting to realize, though, that my digestive system doesn't share my passion. I have almost cut out red meat entirely. (Date night last week was steak. Ouch.) I am easing off the dairy, which I don't eat a ton of anyway, and I am hoping that my little science experiment works and that I start feeling better. I am not going crazy radical vegetarian; you would have to threaten me with something very grand indeed to get me off yogurt or cheese. I am just trying to stop eating meat in general, as much as possible. Except, if course, on Butter Chicken night. Seriously? Best. Food. Ever.
13. Enroll in school. I am going to fucking college in 2008, and I don't care who tries to stop me. School for what, you ask? Great question. I don't know. I will figure that out later. I will never work in a bar again. I will do something awesome with my life, and I am going to start that by giving my brain the education it deserves. If I don't do this, you have full permission to slap me around a bit at the end of the year.